New Year, Facing the Scale after the holidays

So...I started Weight Watchers in May 2007 not long after I moved to Spokane. I had really topped out at a weight that made me feel sluggish, lumbering, lazy and just plain UGH! I was 247 lbs. I had probably weighed more...but I knew that I was about to leave the 18/20 size and go into the 22/24 size and I simply thought ENOUGH!! But...I love food...I love to eat...so how can I diet? Well, I did Weight Watchers in College to keep the Freshman 20 off...and did that successfully. I also did Weight Watchers right after I got married because, let's face it...you do get comfortable with yourself and your spouse. That time I was less successful. So...I just let myself go...telling myself that someday I would want to lose weight. So...I am approaching 40 (2010) and I know that losing weight as you get older, gets harder...so I thought it is time. I think no matter who you are and what you are doing in life, you have to come to that thought, IT IS TIME...it is different for everyone. For me, it was being in a new place and not knowing anyone. It is easier to lose weight when you aren't going out with your friends and going out to eat for a variety of occasions. Now, I feel like I have the tools I need to face those situations. In May 2008 I reached a total of 50 lbs GONE!! I was excited, I was elated...and realizing that I still had a ways to go...thought that I could still keep going. From May 2008 to October 2008 I bounced back and forth between the same 5 lbs. I kept going to meetings, I kept exercising, but I wasn't really following the plan. Then...I got back into it. Made it through Thanksgiving, no weight gain...but as I approached the Christmas holiday season I felt a since of dread....last Christmas (2007) I went from Dec. 23 to Jan 3 only gaining 2 lbs...could I do it again? I LOVE cookies...I LOVE baking cookies...this is something that I have given up. But...I was ready to try again...so I baked...and ate and baked and ate...and then ate some more. NOW, this year from Dec. 13th to Jan. 2nd I gained 5.4 lbs....EEEEEEEKKKKKKK!!! How is that possible??? But, I realize that it happens...and in the big picture I have lost and kept off 54.4 lbs. So, the tough work begins. Everyone says this is the hardest...as you approach your goal, you struggle even more. I want to be 175 by March 31, 2009. This is my goal weight. On Jan. 3rd when I weighed in...I was not really shocked by the weight gain, I knew that I had made poor choices, I knew that there were days I went to bed feeling ill because I had eaten too much and I knew that while I exercised that first week (before Dec 20th) the next two weeks I ate and did not exercise AT ALL!! So...no wonder I gained! Some of you may think that it has taken a long time for me to lose...most of that is me, not the program. I am trying to create life long habits...ones I can live with even when the weight is gone. My goal once I reach my weight goal is to maintain my weight...forever. I know that seems like a long time. But, I don't want to feel like I did at 247 ever again. I am blessed with a husband who loves me no matter what I look like...in skinny and in fat...but I know that for me, I need to feel more like I do now...it makes me happier, less stressed and makes me feel like I can function again. I haven't stopped going to Weight Watchers meetings...I think this is what keeps me on track even if I slip...knowing I weigh in each week helps me keep in mind what I put in my mouth and how it makes me feel. It also helps me to hear week after week that people struggle like I do...I have always struggled with my weight...part of me doesn't care if I am a little overweight...but I want to be healthy and happy and able to be active! I see so many people who look like they can eat without consequence, and that makes me nuts...but then I have to realize that they may have something going on that is under the skin, not obvious to me...that they struggle with.

So, wish me luck! I need a little of it and a little motivation. Thankfully I enjoy cooking at home and have found some incredible recipes that keep me on track! Do you have something you are struggling with? Is it weight? I hope to post more of my struggles on this blog...because it has been harder now that I am under 200 lbs...