Facing myself...

So, on Tuesday of last week I started sorting through my pictures. I had already gone through all of my online pictures on Sunday...and had come to the conclusion that I was FAT!! REALLY FAT!! I hate that! I have been told all of my life that I am tall and large...when I gain weight I gain it evenly, so my size doesn't really catch up to me until I am HUGE! I knew I needed to lose weight...not because I want to be a thin person...I really want to be a healthy person. Now, nearly two years later, I feel like I am getting to the point where I am more healthy...although I still look at myself and see fat. Thankfully I am not able to stop eating...I love the taste, smell and texture of food too much...but I am starting to build a resentment to people who could take or leave food and don't gain weight. I have also never thought of myself as a pretty person (well on the outside). I decided when I was rather young that I wasn't pretty and I was never going to be pretty. So, I should definitely work on my other attributes, personality, etc so that people would like me. Of course...there was a part of me when I was young that wanted people to like me...but as luck would have it, I had a lot of factors growing up that would cause people to not like me...so as a teenager I embraced the I could care less if people liked me...and inevitably I would do something to piss someone off. Now, I really don't lose too much sleep about who likes me or don't, as long as I like myself...and I definitely don't like being FAT. I certainly enjoyed getting there though. I am not sure my love of food and being a healthy weight can live side by side in perfect harmony. So...as I take the walk down memory lane, I am considering making a collage of all of my FAT pictures. I will hang this somewhere to remind me of where I have been and hopefully a deterrent to stopping me in the future.