So...Monday will end my 6 weeks of yoga, it is somewhat bittersweet. I think at Monday's meeting we will have a guided meditation and reflect on what we have learned about ourselves in the past 6 weeks. I have learned that I need to go slower with the yoga...my mind is ready but my body is not. My knees have always bothered me...I need to build their strength before I can do some of the poses. I need to let go of feeling like the pose needs to be perfect...I am a beginner, and sometimes that is hard for me to admit. I am not saying I shouldn't push myself...but I need to know that it will come with time. I am so happy that the yoga instructor I have is patient and definitely encourages us that things will take time! My meditation is horrid. I have found that on a walk or in a hot bathtub I can meditate fairly well, however sitting still and clearing my mind only works for a max of 10 minutes. I will continue to work on it as it is good for me! My diet...well I am on WW, I managed to hit my 60 lbs goal during this 6 weeks of yoga which was exciting. I have found that for the most part my diet is balanced. Of course I LOVE my chocolate. I tried drinking the Zrii and found that it didn't really change anything about my diet or energy or anything else for that matter. I was somewhat disappointed...it would be nice to not be so DRAWN to chocolate. I have to have my husband hide it and ration it to me...which is bad. But...it does help me from overeating. I found that for the most part my diet is balanced...I was disappointed with the Fruit Cleanse outcome and maybe I will try it or some other cleanse in the future. I am reading over the questions that we had at the beginning of every week and I have begun to try and write down my thoughts rather than just think about what I would said to each question. For me, sometimes it is better to just get it out there. So...I am going to open up in a way I feel I have difficulty doing...
In Week 1 Presence
I answered the following question:
1) What are my beliefs about
my body? I am not happy with it, I feel that I have let myself go and I need to work on getting it both strong and more slim.
my relationships? I only want ones in my life that nourish me...I am done with ones that cause me to spend time dwelling on their problems and not addressing ones of my own. I do not mean to be selfish...but I feel like I need to work on me so I can be better in a relationship. Most of my relationships are distant right now...and in two years I haven't made any new friends...with my husband, I think we continue to grow and do well...and I think this time has helped us to grow as a couple and develop the way we see each other and react to one another.
my work? I go to work with a sense of pride...I enjoy my work and I look forward to going...which is really saying something.
spirituality? ooh, this is a tough one for me and I still need to process this one
sex? I would like to think it is always the best it can be...but I have noticed a change as I have gotten older, that is all I want to say about that one.
money? Ah, I definitely use money differently than I used to...yet I am still in debt and still want things I don't need...I think I deal with it better than I used to but it is still a struggle!
In Week 2 Vitality
What are the forces in my life that drain my energy? There were several questions, but this was the one that stood out...because I had to take a good hard look at what makes me drained. I think I spend too much time thinking about the past. And...it has happened and I need to let it go and move on. I don't think about it all of the time...but there are moments when I think what if? Or I think about an incident that happened that I am angry or sad about...and it is almost like it happened yesterday, all of the emotions are still there! EEK, I wish I could erase some of that...and yet, I like me, I like who I am...all of that yuckiness made me, me...so in some ways I should be at peace with that.
In Week 3 Equanimity
All about reactivity and attitude...this is sometimes a challenge for me...I have always been kind of an angry person...and I tend to blow up when I am feeling anger...rather than bottle it up. Well, that has gotten me into some trouble over the years, so I have developed some ways for me to detach myself. I still need to vent but often I can leave the situation before things get too ridiculous. So...I have been trying to be more proactive than reactive...this works for my work life...but my personal life, sometimes I am not so good at it. And, being a person who likes to control situations...well you can imagine how control sometimes isn't much of an issue if you are in an unforeseen situation. So...taking that deep breath, counting to ten, removing myself from the situation...reminding myself that I do not need to react. These are the things I work on.
WHEW...that is enough for today, I will finish the last three weeks tomorrow!
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